blowing off some steam...

i've decided not to care about my grade any more in this class. if i get a c, if i get a b, if i get an a... they're all the same to me, because truly... all those are are opinions-- a letter (or number) that one man decided was suitable for my intellectual development.
i'm not going to change.
i'm not going to use capitalization because it is grammatically correct. i like lowecase letters. they're prettier and have a bit more character than those ugly, boxy uppercase letters... and this is a journal, not a report. i am not writing to the government, so why should i conform to institutional writing format?
i find that in this world, sometimes you are not allowed to be yourself. there is always a right way and a wrong way of doing things. i tend to like the wrong way_ grammar_ who needs it!? people understand me without the added commas, capital letters, and punctuation marks. if i write using street lingo, its just the same. people understand you and you're writing is not so fundamental... ok, so fundamentals are important to know (and to practice), but not to swear by. you can never be another person, but yourself. i will never be able to write a business letter. i am AWFUL at writing professional documents. i'm simply NOT organized. that doesn't mean that i cannot write for myself, or for others who enjoy my "rebellion" against professionalism.
sometimes i wonder, everyone says "strive for professionalism" ... well, what is "professional" really? is that yet another opinion?
i'm an art major, not a business woman (though i wouldnt mind becoming one)... my dad is a "professional" baker. well, who says?! i do. customers of our bakery do... he just bakes! it's not like people in japan need him. professional... hmmm... i am a professional... analytic, but not really because i neglect the organization ability of good analytics. what/who am i?
what is my profession?
what have i mastered?
i have nothing. i cannot think of ONE thing that i have masted. i cannot write well, i cannot theorize well, i cannot achieve high marks on school assignments, i cannot paint like rembrandt or draw like escher, i cannot make the olympics, i cannot sing, i cannot make music, i read slower than a kindergartener, i burn everything i try to cook.....the list goes on.....

ik vind blof een erg mooi muziek groep. de zangen "harder dan ik hebben kan" en "wat zou je doen" zijn echt leuk. ik wil nederlands zangen leren.

also, must say... it was SO weird to be back in an English speaking country for a weekend. i found myself still trying to ask questions in Dutch to the pedestrians. i know, i'm lame! and ireland is geweldig!