"All That I Cannot Leave Behind"

i think the statement should be re-worded--all that i CAN leave behind, for that would make for a simpler, less meticulous reflection. time is the ultimate deception of what is real to me. sometimes years feel like months and days feel like centuries. since the last week of december i have been living below sea level (or close to)! and i gotta tell you, low altitudes have some strange effects on me! everything that has happened to me in the last 5 months of my life will not be discarded. i cannot simply up and walk away. (it's a blessing and a curse).
during this program i've laughed, i've cried, i've suffered, i've danced, i've been tempted, i've been weak, i've been complimented, i've been strong, i've travelled, and i've stayed behind. i've lost dignity, pride, and honor. i've gained experience, respect, and insight. all that is behind me is with me, like a marching band in the fesitval parade! what i cannot see now, i shall see when i leave. often that is the case. what you leave behind becomes most sorely missed, and what you take with you is often forgotten on an old attic box (it is taken for granted). afterall, you cannot clearly recognize the value of something until it is gone and you are not certain of ever getting it back. in that sence, i can leave everything behind. what happens in the netherlands, stays in the netherlands so that when i return someday i can appreciate the good things and have a stronger passion for them when i go. however, logically, experience tags along like a dog's tail. i couldn't possibly leave behind my experiences and my life lessons learned. what has influenced my personal convictions and what has impacted my life in some way or another will not be forgotten or left behind. i cannot escape the memories, i cannot take back the daily work-out peddling my bicycle to school. where these feet have taken me are worn into the thickness of the soles of my feet.