i think the statement should be re-worded--all that i CAN leave behind, for that would make for a simpler, less meticulous reflection. time is the ultimate deception of what is real to me. sometimes years feel like months and days feel like centuries. since the last week of december i have been living below sea level (or close to)! and i gotta tell you, low altitudes have some strange effects on me! everything that has happened to me in the last 5 months of my life will not be discarded. i cannot simply up and walk away. (it's a blessing and a curse).
during this program i've laughed, i've cried, i've suffered, i've danced, i've been tempted, i've been weak, i've been complimented, i've been strong, i've travelled, and i've stayed behind. i've lost dignity, pride, and honor. i've gained experience, respect, and insight. all that is behind me is with me, like a marching band in the fesitval parade! what i cannot see now, i shall see when i leave. often that is the case. what you leave behind becomes most sorely missed, and what you take with you is often forgotten on an old attic box (it is taken for granted). afterall, you cannot clearly recognize the value of something until it is gone and you are not certain of ever getting it back. in that sence, i can leave everything behind. what happens in the netherlands, stays in the netherlands so that when i return someday i can appreciate the good things and have a stronger passion for them when i go. however, logically, experience tags along like a dog's tail. i couldn't possibly leave behind my experiences and my life lessons learned. what has influenced my personal convictions and what has impacted my life in some way or another will not be forgotten or left behind. i cannot escape the memories, i cannot take back the daily work-out peddling my bicycle to school. where these feet have taken me are worn into the thickness of the soles of my feet.
23 april 2007
19 april 2007
Otterloo -- reflection11
of small bikes and fowl mouths...
monumental art and fancy homes.
kees, you were right! klein fietsen zijn erg slecht! ik was heel moe na fietsen. haha! well anyways. it was really great to ride that child sized bike to the regular sized bike, snap the chain on the regular sized bike, walk back to the child sized bike, cycle to the second bike lot for a regular sized bike and continue on my endless journey to find the group back. of course i come to a fork in the road where i am not 100% sure which way to go next, so i decide it is safest that i ask for directions --and-- like any other 13-14 year old boy with a cigarette between his lips being asked for directions in his second language,( the one that i was hoping to get an answer from) turned me down with a few choice words...yet thankfully a nicer boy peddled up to me and ushered me in the right direction. (by the way, sorry for holding up the group!) side note: i think the idea behind community-shared bikes is a pretty nifty one; however, it has been brought to my attention that it most definitely would not work well in the long run (even if the cops had not gotten involved) because no one would really care to put the time and money into fixing them...lekke band, geen probleem, gebruik een andere witte fiets...het klinkt wel slecht met mij. not practical, though i do like the idea!
the sculpture garden was a site to see. it was nice to see something OUTSIDE and interacting with the natural environment. it really added to the character of the piece...and...that tree looked SO real! leuk.
van gogh's cafeterras bij nacht was iets ander dan ik heb het gedocht was. the paint was sooo much thicker than i had imagined it would be and the colors not as bright in some areas; though, i really took a liking to it in its true nature. internet photos and copies just don't capture the arts real beauty.
as for the Kruller Muller house, i especially liked the liabrary and the tea room-- the rising and the setting sun made of brick in the ceiling was wonderful. it was nice to see the outdoors. really beautiful landscape... and FAT duck that let us touch it. i think i could have a house where the walls were made only of brick. it would add a nice character to the room, perhaps. however, i am not a fan of glazes and colors. i like natural looks (aside from the rising and setting sun stones). i find it interesting how planned and designed berlage's buildings were. a place for a rug and a cabinet laid out already in the floor plan. quite a unique technique, i think.
monumental art and fancy homes.
kees, you were right! klein fietsen zijn erg slecht! ik was heel moe na fietsen. haha! well anyways. it was really great to ride that child sized bike to the regular sized bike, snap the chain on the regular sized bike, walk back to the child sized bike, cycle to the second bike lot for a regular sized bike and continue on my endless journey to find the group back. of course i come to a fork in the road where i am not 100% sure which way to go next, so i decide it is safest that i ask for directions --and-- like any other 13-14 year old boy with a cigarette between his lips being asked for directions in his second language,( the one that i was hoping to get an answer from) turned me down with a few choice words...yet thankfully a nicer boy peddled up to me and ushered me in the right direction. (by the way, sorry for holding up the group!) side note: i think the idea behind community-shared bikes is a pretty nifty one; however, it has been brought to my attention that it most definitely would not work well in the long run (even if the cops had not gotten involved) because no one would really care to put the time and money into fixing them...lekke band, geen probleem, gebruik een andere witte fiets...het klinkt wel slecht met mij. not practical, though i do like the idea!
the sculpture garden was a site to see. it was nice to see something OUTSIDE and interacting with the natural environment. it really added to the character of the piece...and...that tree looked SO real! leuk.
van gogh's cafeterras bij nacht was iets ander dan ik heb het gedocht was. the paint was sooo much thicker than i had imagined it would be and the colors not as bright in some areas; though, i really took a liking to it in its true nature. internet photos and copies just don't capture the arts real beauty.
as for the Kruller Muller house, i especially liked the liabrary and the tea room-- the rising and the setting sun made of brick in the ceiling was wonderful. it was nice to see the outdoors. really beautiful landscape... and FAT duck that let us touch it. i think i could have a house where the walls were made only of brick. it would add a nice character to the room, perhaps. however, i am not a fan of glazes and colors. i like natural looks (aside from the rising and setting sun stones). i find it interesting how planned and designed berlage's buildings were. a place for a rug and a cabinet laid out already in the floor plan. quite a unique technique, i think.
15 april 2007
blowing off some steam...
i've decided not to care about my grade any more in this class. if i get a c, if i get a b, if i get an a... they're all the same to me, because truly... all those are are opinions-- a letter (or number) that one man decided was suitable for my intellectual development.
i'm not going to change.
i'm not going to use capitalization because it is grammatically correct. i like lowecase letters. they're prettier and have a bit more character than those ugly, boxy uppercase letters... and this is a journal, not a report. i am not writing to the government, so why should i conform to institutional writing format?
i find that in this world, sometimes you are not allowed to be yourself. there is always a right way and a wrong way of doing things. i tend to like the wrong way_ grammar_ who needs it!? people understand me without the added commas, capital letters, and punctuation marks. if i write using street lingo, its just the same. people understand you and you're writing is not so fundamental... ok, so fundamentals are important to know (and to practice), but not to swear by. you can never be another person, but yourself. i will never be able to write a business letter. i am AWFUL at writing professional documents. i'm simply NOT organized. that doesn't mean that i cannot write for myself, or for others who enjoy my "rebellion" against professionalism.
sometimes i wonder, everyone says "strive for professionalism" ... well, what is "professional" really? is that yet another opinion?
i'm an art major, not a business woman (though i wouldnt mind becoming one)... my dad is a "professional" baker. well, who says?! i do. customers of our bakery do... he just bakes! it's not like people in japan need him. professional... hmmm... i am a professional... analytic, but not really because i neglect the organization ability of good analytics. what/who am i?
what is my profession?
what have i mastered?
i have nothing. i cannot think of ONE thing that i have masted. i cannot write well, i cannot theorize well, i cannot achieve high marks on school assignments, i cannot paint like rembrandt or draw like escher, i cannot make the olympics, i cannot sing, i cannot make music, i read slower than a kindergartener, i burn everything i try to cook.....the list goes on.....
ik vind blof een erg mooi muziek groep. de zangen "harder dan ik hebben kan" en "wat zou je doen" zijn echt leuk. ik wil nederlands zangen leren.
also, must say... it was SO weird to be back in an English speaking country for a weekend. i found myself still trying to ask questions in Dutch to the pedestrians. i know, i'm lame! and ireland is geweldig!
i'm not going to change.
i'm not going to use capitalization because it is grammatically correct. i like lowecase letters. they're prettier and have a bit more character than those ugly, boxy uppercase letters... and this is a journal, not a report. i am not writing to the government, so why should i conform to institutional writing format?
i find that in this world, sometimes you are not allowed to be yourself. there is always a right way and a wrong way of doing things. i tend to like the wrong way_ grammar_ who needs it!? people understand me without the added commas, capital letters, and punctuation marks. if i write using street lingo, its just the same. people understand you and you're writing is not so fundamental... ok, so fundamentals are important to know (and to practice), but not to swear by. you can never be another person, but yourself. i will never be able to write a business letter. i am AWFUL at writing professional documents. i'm simply NOT organized. that doesn't mean that i cannot write for myself, or for others who enjoy my "rebellion" against professionalism.
sometimes i wonder, everyone says "strive for professionalism" ... well, what is "professional" really? is that yet another opinion?
i'm an art major, not a business woman (though i wouldnt mind becoming one)... my dad is a "professional" baker. well, who says?! i do. customers of our bakery do... he just bakes! it's not like people in japan need him. professional... hmmm... i am a professional... analytic, but not really because i neglect the organization ability of good analytics. what/who am i?
what is my profession?
what have i mastered?
i have nothing. i cannot think of ONE thing that i have masted. i cannot write well, i cannot theorize well, i cannot achieve high marks on school assignments, i cannot paint like rembrandt or draw like escher, i cannot make the olympics, i cannot sing, i cannot make music, i read slower than a kindergartener, i burn everything i try to cook.....the list goes on.....
ik vind blof een erg mooi muziek groep. de zangen "harder dan ik hebben kan" en "wat zou je doen" zijn echt leuk. ik wil nederlands zangen leren.
also, must say... it was SO weird to be back in an English speaking country for a weekend. i found myself still trying to ask questions in Dutch to the pedestrians. i know, i'm lame! and ireland is geweldig!
11 april 2007
Den Haag/Scheveningen -- reflection10
tweede kamer -- what can i say? the conference room was ... well ... structured like a conference room. it was nice to hear the woman from the CDA speak about Dutch politics for a short while. she was born in surinam and grew up in both surinam and the netherlands so she had an open view and experience beneficial to the CDA -- why -- well now, country of minorities, its nice to have representatives with foreign experience in debate and discussions concerning the interests of the citizens of a mixed race, multi-cultural society. it was nice to know that not even she could truly identify the netherlands. i've been struggling with this whole identity thing a bit. i find it difficult even to identify America and that is my home. i cannot even identify ME!... so, the constitution best describes its countries identity. learn the constitution, learn the country! now, i do not even know the constitution/politics of my own country, so i do not expect myself to delve too carefully into the politics and constitution of the netherlands. im content learning day by day through citizens rather than text books!
the best part of our visit to parliament was the library. the chinese influence on the style really made this room exotic and lively. i found the library to be one of the most exciting parts of the trip. "dragon-like" stair case that leads to the second and third levels of the library... it was like we were standing in a hollywood film. this library felt a bit fairy tale with its design and stage-like qualities. beautiful room.
not one, not two, but three art museums in one day. i think i have the liberty to say that this was definitely a drag. as an art major, one who intends to get a degree in art history, this was too much for me in one day.
the best part of our visit to parliament was the library. the chinese influence on the style really made this room exotic and lively. i found the library to be one of the most exciting parts of the trip. "dragon-like" stair case that leads to the second and third levels of the library... it was like we were standing in a hollywood film. this library felt a bit fairy tale with its design and stage-like qualities. beautiful room.
not one, not two, but three art museums in one day. i think i have the liberty to say that this was definitely a drag. as an art major, one who intends to get a degree in art history, this was too much for me in one day.
09 april 2007
a weekend with the fam
paasvuren, sjoelen, disco, en chocolade vaginas... ken dat?
haha... het was een leuk weekend.
haha... het was een leuk weekend.
05 april 2007
Westerbork -- reflection9
well... what can i say? this was nothing like what i expected to see. nothing seemed to be preserved. it was not at all tourist-like in the sense that we would be able to see the camp as it were. i felt like i was taking a stroll through a local park. the place was gezellig! trees, birds, wide-open spaces... it was a very peaceful area. sure there were the man-made stones that signified specific regions of the site where camp buildings and railroads once existed, but everything was gutted out and the place was renovated to look like man had not touched the land before. the nature was healthy and long-lived-looking. what a surprise, i must say.
before the german rule, this camp was a refugee camp. i find it pretty twisted, though, that they made this camp so much more of a paradise compared to the other camps that it was hardly believable that places such as auschwitz could contain gas chambers and mass-burials. the hospitality here would confuse anybody of the reality of camps beyond these walls. who could have guessed? with a hospital that cared sooo deliberately for its patients that it would not allow a pre-maturely born child to die, rather to live and be strong just to die un-naturally...i find this rather disturbing.
"we'll make you strong, and when you're good and ready, we'll work you to your death" appears to be the method behind this awful reality.
then again, if you shed light on the idea behind the camp, as it were, a refugee camp, there are reasons behind their care and attention for the prisoners.
the influence of the WWII in dutch society today...
before the german rule, this camp was a refugee camp. i find it pretty twisted, though, that they made this camp so much more of a paradise compared to the other camps that it was hardly believable that places such as auschwitz could contain gas chambers and mass-burials. the hospitality here would confuse anybody of the reality of camps beyond these walls. who could have guessed? with a hospital that cared sooo deliberately for its patients that it would not allow a pre-maturely born child to die, rather to live and be strong just to die un-naturally...i find this rather disturbing.
"we'll make you strong, and when you're good and ready, we'll work you to your death" appears to be the method behind this awful reality.
then again, if you shed light on the idea behind the camp, as it were, a refugee camp, there are reasons behind their care and attention for the prisoners.
the influence of the WWII in dutch society today...
30 maart 2007
i miss...
privacy. i wanted to sit outside today because the weather was nice, but when i stepped outside onto my balcony, i noticed that there were over a dozen neighbors that could potentially be watching me as i sit outside and enjoy the sun. i realized... i really hate curtains. i like seeing the world! but i do not like the world seeing me. i miss my home in the country where we could have walls made of undressed windows and still have our privacy. of course, it is nice to watch people. but even in the country one can watch as the neighbor mows his lawn or as the neighbors down the street ride there horses up the street. *sighs* i miss my neighbors...
driving. in america, the streets are wide and the towns are spread out. wide open spaces, fast cars and freedom... there is so much room for carefree driving. you can step outside of yourself, roll the windows down to catch a nice breeze while listening to the good ol'e country music on the radio. i miss off-roading! taking the truck and plowing through fields, woods, sand dunes... oh how i miss those days! oh--i almost forgot--and taking road trips with my girlfriends. nothing like packing up the car, windows down, breeze in the hair, blaring country music and belting out the lyrics off-key, driving with no place in mind and getting "there" just to chillax and have girl talk over a couple beers and pizza or fire foods!
skinny dipping. lake michigan in the summer can get as warm as bath water (if you're lucky) and there is nothing better than taking a dip in the moonlight hours when no one is around and you are free to be naked!
site seeing in AMERICA. i enjoy being a tourist in my own country. i have to admit, there is SO much to see in america and so little time. i love travelling! (but the little problem with me is that i need variation in my life or i get bored FAST). rotterdam was a very nice excursion because it offered a different sort of tourism. many of the past excursions felt like i was walking through a history book. it was nice to see modernization in europe for once! but it makes me miss seeing the skyscrapers in chicago and new york. its been a while since i've visited those cities and i would love to go again. and i miss the niagara falls and the grand canyon, the mountains, and the ocean!
mud football. what can i say? i miss getting dirty with men and balls! sounds a bit risquee, but it really is fun. american football has it's good times.
drive-in movies and old town diners. i love burgers and flicks! great combo.
driving. in america, the streets are wide and the towns are spread out. wide open spaces, fast cars and freedom... there is so much room for carefree driving. you can step outside of yourself, roll the windows down to catch a nice breeze while listening to the good ol'e country music on the radio. i miss off-roading! taking the truck and plowing through fields, woods, sand dunes... oh how i miss those days! oh--i almost forgot--and taking road trips with my girlfriends. nothing like packing up the car, windows down, breeze in the hair, blaring country music and belting out the lyrics off-key, driving with no place in mind and getting "there" just to chillax and have girl talk over a couple beers and pizza or fire foods!
skinny dipping. lake michigan in the summer can get as warm as bath water (if you're lucky) and there is nothing better than taking a dip in the moonlight hours when no one is around and you are free to be naked!
site seeing in AMERICA. i enjoy being a tourist in my own country. i have to admit, there is SO much to see in america and so little time. i love travelling! (but the little problem with me is that i need variation in my life or i get bored FAST). rotterdam was a very nice excursion because it offered a different sort of tourism. many of the past excursions felt like i was walking through a history book. it was nice to see modernization in europe for once! but it makes me miss seeing the skyscrapers in chicago and new york. its been a while since i've visited those cities and i would love to go again. and i miss the niagara falls and the grand canyon, the mountains, and the ocean!
mud football. what can i say? i miss getting dirty with men and balls! sounds a bit risquee, but it really is fun. american football has it's good times.
drive-in movies and old town diners. i love burgers and flicks! great combo.
29 maart 2007
politics: convictions and freedoms
so it's true, i never liked politics, though i must say that i have gained a bit more of an interest in politics since i've arrived in the netherlands.
knock off on Psalm 121:1-2 (which by the way, is a good passage to take seriously)
"I lift up my eyes to the Unites States of America--where does my norms/convictions come from? My norms/convictions come from the (Pop-culture American) media, the creator of (American) politics and (American) society."
this is so true to me. i never really thought about it until i was asked to delve into the politics of a foreign country. a lot of who i am is defined by how my country operates and controls my views and opinions. so often i find myself consumed by the standards presented by american pop-culture. our government is partially founded on morale, which i think is good, but it makes for a difficult account of realisitic opinion.
sometimes i do not have an opinion because i am simply mimicking the american worldview or maybe even the christian reformed worldview and not my own. its so easy to fall into a category and go along with everything that structures the outfit of the group.
i want my FREEDOM. i want my own convictions. i want to FREE myself of the influences worldview has on individuals. i wish i could be fresh, i wish i was not easily persuaded/convinced of the opinions of others.
i get confused in myself though. there are so many contradictions within my personal worldview (or lack there of). for example, i think it is important NOT to limit people from their freedom of choice; however, if i want to make a statement of my own personal opinions in government and hold my convictions above others so much so that it takes office in the government, i am taking away such freedoms in a sense. for government does have a sense of control and power over the people. government DOES have an influence. HOWEVER, statements are mandatory. it is important to be strong and confident in yourself and your convictions. people admire that sort of stature. influencing the people vs conforming the people to one standard view is different. you cannot take away a mans right of choice. man will always be free to violate/go against the government. SO... then does that make it just to ban abortion? for what if it is the choice of the woman to keep or destroy her child? where do you draw lines?
that may be why i admire the dutch government. it overlooks the freedoms that it offers the people. they may make the choice of euthanasia, abortion, prostitution, etc. the government will not say NO, but the government leaders are free to suggest their own conviction and belief. BUT--is a voice as powerful as a movement/action? no... so now we're back at ground zero.
if you're going to support something, it is important to develop reasons WHY you support it.
i hate that culture and society, government and religion, have such an influence on our personal intakes on life.
knock off on Psalm 121:1-2 (which by the way, is a good passage to take seriously)
"I lift up my eyes to the Unites States of America--where does my norms/convictions come from? My norms/convictions come from the (Pop-culture American) media, the creator of (American) politics and (American) society."
this is so true to me. i never really thought about it until i was asked to delve into the politics of a foreign country. a lot of who i am is defined by how my country operates and controls my views and opinions. so often i find myself consumed by the standards presented by american pop-culture. our government is partially founded on morale, which i think is good, but it makes for a difficult account of realisitic opinion.
sometimes i do not have an opinion because i am simply mimicking the american worldview or maybe even the christian reformed worldview and not my own. its so easy to fall into a category and go along with everything that structures the outfit of the group.
i want my FREEDOM. i want my own convictions. i want to FREE myself of the influences worldview has on individuals. i wish i could be fresh, i wish i was not easily persuaded/convinced of the opinions of others.
i get confused in myself though. there are so many contradictions within my personal worldview (or lack there of). for example, i think it is important NOT to limit people from their freedom of choice; however, if i want to make a statement of my own personal opinions in government and hold my convictions above others so much so that it takes office in the government, i am taking away such freedoms in a sense. for government does have a sense of control and power over the people. government DOES have an influence. HOWEVER, statements are mandatory. it is important to be strong and confident in yourself and your convictions. people admire that sort of stature. influencing the people vs conforming the people to one standard view is different. you cannot take away a mans right of choice. man will always be free to violate/go against the government. SO... then does that make it just to ban abortion? for what if it is the choice of the woman to keep or destroy her child? where do you draw lines?
that may be why i admire the dutch government. it overlooks the freedoms that it offers the people. they may make the choice of euthanasia, abortion, prostitution, etc. the government will not say NO, but the government leaders are free to suggest their own conviction and belief. BUT--is a voice as powerful as a movement/action? no... so now we're back at ground zero.
if you're going to support something, it is important to develop reasons WHY you support it.
i hate that culture and society, government and religion, have such an influence on our personal intakes on life.
28 maart 2007
Rotterdam -- reflection8
This was by far my favorite excursion. I absolutely love the harbor. I never realized just how much modern buildings attract me. I always thought of myself as a girl who LOVES old things--which is true when it comes to many things, but some modern objects, buildings are rather fascinating. It was good to see a modern city in this little country below the sea! The older buildings are very attractive, but I almost prefer taking them for granted than making a tourist attraction out of them. I get bored with the repetative structures. Brick this, brick that, etc. Clock towers and churches EVERYWHERE. Rotterdam was more home-like.
Cube houses. Now that was something else. I was blown away by these structures. I decided that I could live in one of them as a vacation house, no problem, but to live there as a permanent home would be rediculous. I would get very annoyed with the layout of my household items. I like to change things around too much. These houses limit changes. Re-arranging the furniture is not possible. The design is rather conformed to one standard look. And... I think I might get a headache after a while, sitting in a house where the walls do not stand upright. I just might go crazy.
The Sonneveld house was an interesting attraction. The slippers for our shoes were rather funny lookin' but they made for a good laugh. I was surprised with just how many household accessories were bought out of the United States. It's incredible how much influence our rich culture had on this house and its design.
A great city!
Cube houses. Now that was something else. I was blown away by these structures. I decided that I could live in one of them as a vacation house, no problem, but to live there as a permanent home would be rediculous. I would get very annoyed with the layout of my household items. I like to change things around too much. These houses limit changes. Re-arranging the furniture is not possible. The design is rather conformed to one standard look. And... I think I might get a headache after a while, sitting in a house where the walls do not stand upright. I just might go crazy.
The Sonneveld house was an interesting attraction. The slippers for our shoes were rather funny lookin' but they made for a good laugh. I was surprised with just how many household accessories were bought out of the United States. It's incredible how much influence our rich culture had on this house and its design.
A great city!
26 maart 2007
language influences
in every country, words of a different foreign tongue are borrowed and used in the daily oral language.
i've noticed that the dutch have borrowed a lot of english words in their spoken language. i sometimes will be listening in to a dutch conversation and suddenly, out of the blue, an english word will pop up and the conversation continues normally. i first found this rather strange until i considered america!
we borrow, "hola", "adios", "ciao", and many other words from our neighboring spanish speaking country, mexico. of course, spanish has the greatest influence on our language, but we do use words from other regions of the world as well. yiddish words have a somewhat common roll in our tongue as well... "oye vey"--used as an expression much like "oh dear" or "oh my"..."mamzer" (mumza)--used to express lame or gay mannerisms..."tushy"--in reference to ones behind..."mishmosh"--hodge-podge ...and then, there is, of course, many borrowed words from european countries.. "au revoir", "goeten tag" ... the list goes on! "schlecht" is a yiddish word meaning bad -- "slecht" is a dutch word meaning bad -- "shnech" is (rarely used) English for the expression of the word GROSS!
i find it funny when people work so hard to preserve their language and keep it pure of borrowed words and foreign language influence. its impossible to do so. sometimes, its easier said in a different language, sometimes the meaning of a word from a different language describes a situation in a different culture better than any word that is of that culture.
gezellig, for example, is a dutch word that describes the dutch well, but gezelligheid CAN also be found in america. i personally like the word lekker! it sounds so much better than tasty... i just might start borrowing some dutch words when i go back home, just to get my point across clearly.
languages are SOOO interesting. (and it is impossible to avoid influence... all languages relate in SOME way to each other and in SOME way express and amplify each other!
perhaps i will become a linguistics major!
i've noticed that the dutch have borrowed a lot of english words in their spoken language. i sometimes will be listening in to a dutch conversation and suddenly, out of the blue, an english word will pop up and the conversation continues normally. i first found this rather strange until i considered america!
we borrow, "hola", "adios", "ciao", and many other words from our neighboring spanish speaking country, mexico. of course, spanish has the greatest influence on our language, but we do use words from other regions of the world as well. yiddish words have a somewhat common roll in our tongue as well... "oye vey"--used as an expression much like "oh dear" or "oh my"..."mamzer" (mumza)--used to express lame or gay mannerisms..."tushy"--in reference to ones behind..."mishmosh"--hodge-podge ...and then, there is, of course, many borrowed words from european countries.. "au revoir", "goeten tag" ... the list goes on! "schlecht" is a yiddish word meaning bad -- "slecht" is a dutch word meaning bad -- "shnech" is (rarely used) English for the expression of the word GROSS!
i find it funny when people work so hard to preserve their language and keep it pure of borrowed words and foreign language influence. its impossible to do so. sometimes, its easier said in a different language, sometimes the meaning of a word from a different language describes a situation in a different culture better than any word that is of that culture.
gezellig, for example, is a dutch word that describes the dutch well, but gezelligheid CAN also be found in america. i personally like the word lekker! it sounds so much better than tasty... i just might start borrowing some dutch words when i go back home, just to get my point across clearly.
languages are SOOO interesting. (and it is impossible to avoid influence... all languages relate in SOME way to each other and in SOME way express and amplify each other!
perhaps i will become a linguistics major!
22 maart 2007
the synagogue -- reflection7
ive already been to a jewish synagogue. ive already read a number of books about judaism, jewish persecution, etc. ive already been there, already done that! however, i have not already been to the synagogue of zwolle. i have not already heard the story from the perspective of a dutch jew, nor have i heard the story of the synagogue of zwolle.
some things that i found rather interesting: some traditions get thrown out, while others do not seem to change at all. for example, seating in the synagogue is not the same as it once was. the traditional wedding celebration, on the other hand, is still used today.
memorials of the jews of zwolle who died in the war are presented on the walls of the synagogue. this, ive noticed, is quite common around the world. memorials hang/sit in numerous places to honor the dead. i think it is a good thing, relevent.
one thing i find very interesting, when i think judaism, i think history... but judaism is still followed today. there are still jewish folk suriving in this world today. the changes that have been made in the traditions of the synagogue are most fascinating. traditional style dress and hair is no longer a part of the jewish community. memorizing the torah does not appear to be mandatory any longer, yet the torah is still written by scribes in the original hewbrew characters, and from right to left.
interesting.
some things that i found rather interesting: some traditions get thrown out, while others do not seem to change at all. for example, seating in the synagogue is not the same as it once was. the traditional wedding celebration, on the other hand, is still used today.
memorials of the jews of zwolle who died in the war are presented on the walls of the synagogue. this, ive noticed, is quite common around the world. memorials hang/sit in numerous places to honor the dead. i think it is a good thing, relevent.
one thing i find very interesting, when i think judaism, i think history... but judaism is still followed today. there are still jewish folk suriving in this world today. the changes that have been made in the traditions of the synagogue are most fascinating. traditional style dress and hair is no longer a part of the jewish community. memorizing the torah does not appear to be mandatory any longer, yet the torah is still written by scribes in the original hewbrew characters, and from right to left.
interesting.
20 maart 2007
a wondering mind...
family and friends
it's nice to have the family visiting because they notice things i forget to notice. bicycle lanes on the streets, traffic lights for pedestrians and bicyclists, birds (especially the ones that dive under the water and stay below the water for a long period of time), "dutch strolling" (a peculiar walk with hands clasped behind them), public transportation, soda bottles, forks for fries, etc. the list goes on.
i met some of my cousins this weekend. janbart and bienke are about my age. they seem to be really cool. the relatives were fun! im envious of dutch wit.
question of the day
why is it that sometimes im really pumped to meet new people and sometimes am really pumped to be out with friends yet lately, have been distancing myself from all human interaction? i've been anti-friends, anti-relationships, anti-people, even anti-God. i don't want to hurt anymore. perhaps, i am just hiding--but i think not. i think i really just don't want to be a part of anything earthly because it does not last.
either that or i am too impatient--or afraid.
however, if i continue to obsess over these things, in the future, i will wonder why i spent so much of my time in europe obsessing over feelings, pain, and relationships. damn--i get used to asking the wrong questions--how long is too long (in accordance to grieving)--how far is too far(in accordance to breaking trust)--all of these things depend on the persons involved. there are limits, but you won't know them until you reach them. perhaps i've reached the too far limit in my relationship with jan (perhaps not). i still do not feel 100% ok with forgetting about him. i still love him and grieve over my loss. it's been nearly 2 months and it still hurts.
mental illnesses
i am suffering from a mental illness, that is what they say to me. they say i need counselling. they say that i cannot do this alone and they are afraid for me. well, maybe they should stop making things so damned confusing. is it really a mental illness that i suffer from, or is it who i am? i think i am suffering from myself. i love thinking. i love writing. i've become consumed by these activities and sometimes they cause me to feel unhappy, but often, i create marvelous philosophies and i feel good about them (sometimes). often, i feel under-accomplished. i want to write more, i want to learn more about the topic i am writing on. i want to make a map and draw a picture to explain it. i want to develop my theories! but then again, i do not want to praise them so much because i do not feel that confident about them. they are my masterpieces. conversationally, i cannot show you how my mind works. give me time and a paper, and you'll soon find out there is a lot more to me than what meets the eye.
so i ask again, is it really a mental illness that i suffer from, or is it myself? not fully understanding myself or why i feel the way i do about certain things. i should start defending me, for the longer i defend myself, the stronger i myself will become.
i like crying. since i quit cutting, ive forced myself to cry more. my dad would not approve.
reality
define real. real is what you make it. not everyone believes God is reality. define real. what happens is real. it is real because it happened/happens/will happen. what is real for me?
i am in the netherlands. i am thinking about home. i think i am home sick. i miss my freedom. i miss "the easy way out". i know how to work the system in the States. i know how to be myself. here, i am defining who i am and getting nowhere fast.
sometimes i think about things my mother thinks about: suicide, punching windows in anger, etc. sometimes i think of these things and then i rationalize with myself. reality is that i am not ok with things. i'm pretending to be ok, but i am not ok.
i need to escape from this burden jan bestows upon me. i need it all or nothing at all.
i need my freedom back.
it's nice to have the family visiting because they notice things i forget to notice. bicycle lanes on the streets, traffic lights for pedestrians and bicyclists, birds (especially the ones that dive under the water and stay below the water for a long period of time), "dutch strolling" (a peculiar walk with hands clasped behind them), public transportation, soda bottles, forks for fries, etc. the list goes on.
i met some of my cousins this weekend. janbart and bienke are about my age. they seem to be really cool. the relatives were fun! im envious of dutch wit.
question of the day
why is it that sometimes im really pumped to meet new people and sometimes am really pumped to be out with friends yet lately, have been distancing myself from all human interaction? i've been anti-friends, anti-relationships, anti-people, even anti-God. i don't want to hurt anymore. perhaps, i am just hiding--but i think not. i think i really just don't want to be a part of anything earthly because it does not last.
either that or i am too impatient--or afraid.
however, if i continue to obsess over these things, in the future, i will wonder why i spent so much of my time in europe obsessing over feelings, pain, and relationships. damn--i get used to asking the wrong questions--how long is too long (in accordance to grieving)--how far is too far(in accordance to breaking trust)--all of these things depend on the persons involved. there are limits, but you won't know them until you reach them. perhaps i've reached the too far limit in my relationship with jan (perhaps not). i still do not feel 100% ok with forgetting about him. i still love him and grieve over my loss. it's been nearly 2 months and it still hurts.
mental illnesses
i am suffering from a mental illness, that is what they say to me. they say i need counselling. they say that i cannot do this alone and they are afraid for me. well, maybe they should stop making things so damned confusing. is it really a mental illness that i suffer from, or is it who i am? i think i am suffering from myself. i love thinking. i love writing. i've become consumed by these activities and sometimes they cause me to feel unhappy, but often, i create marvelous philosophies and i feel good about them (sometimes). often, i feel under-accomplished. i want to write more, i want to learn more about the topic i am writing on. i want to make a map and draw a picture to explain it. i want to develop my theories! but then again, i do not want to praise them so much because i do not feel that confident about them. they are my masterpieces. conversationally, i cannot show you how my mind works. give me time and a paper, and you'll soon find out there is a lot more to me than what meets the eye.
so i ask again, is it really a mental illness that i suffer from, or is it myself? not fully understanding myself or why i feel the way i do about certain things. i should start defending me, for the longer i defend myself, the stronger i myself will become.
i like crying. since i quit cutting, ive forced myself to cry more. my dad would not approve.
reality
define real. real is what you make it. not everyone believes God is reality. define real. what happens is real. it is real because it happened/happens/will happen. what is real for me?
i am in the netherlands. i am thinking about home. i think i am home sick. i miss my freedom. i miss "the easy way out". i know how to work the system in the States. i know how to be myself. here, i am defining who i am and getting nowhere fast.
sometimes i think about things my mother thinks about: suicide, punching windows in anger, etc. sometimes i think of these things and then i rationalize with myself. reality is that i am not ok with things. i'm pretending to be ok, but i am not ok.
i need to escape from this burden jan bestows upon me. i need it all or nothing at all.
i need my freedom back.
18 maart 2007
Leeuwarden -- reflection6
this excursion was a quicky. the friesmuseum tour was rather frisky! it's as though i did not see any art on this trip. as always, the canals were gorgeous. i couldn't sense the difference between fries and dutch as well as i'd hoped to. i especially liked the leaning church tower from the citywalk, perhaps because they made a banana out of it, trying to straighten it up. the good ol'e friesian cow and horse! photo op! *sighs* everything is starting to look the same to me. the churches, the clock towers, the streets, and the statues... i want something to strike me again!
reconstruction seems to be a norm in this country. your history is a pride and a problem. the older the structure the weaker the walls/towers. its amazing how well preserved so many of these old buildings are.
the treinstation "city scape" is invisible to my eyes. i could not see it and i am an art major. this makes me feel really pathetic.
as for the little sculptures up top the buildings neighboring the friesmuseum, it reminds me of home. in zeeland, michigan, we have a bird standing up top one of the buildings--im not certain as to the purpose of this bird, but it is much like the goat, the bird, the lions, etc. that stand in the city of leeuwarden.
reconstruction seems to be a norm in this country. your history is a pride and a problem. the older the structure the weaker the walls/towers. its amazing how well preserved so many of these old buildings are.
the treinstation "city scape" is invisible to my eyes. i could not see it and i am an art major. this makes me feel really pathetic.
as for the little sculptures up top the buildings neighboring the friesmuseum, it reminds me of home. in zeeland, michigan, we have a bird standing up top one of the buildings--im not certain as to the purpose of this bird, but it is much like the goat, the bird, the lions, etc. that stand in the city of leeuwarden.
09 maart 2007
politically correct
first i'd like to start by saying that i think this is ridiculous that we spend so much time making comparisons of our cultures when (in my opinion), it is not healthy to do so because you are making judgements based on observation without necessarily appreciating the differences of the two societies. i feel like an offender! i come to this country and for 5 months i am required to pass judgements on it, make conclusions based purely on thought and reaction to my experiences, see things not as they are because i can never operate another way than american for it has been grafted into my convictions all that zeeland/holland michigan is. i have no voice but the voice that i've been given from my parents.
i tend to wish away my old convictions for new ones. for example, when i first arrived in the netherlands, i wanted more than anything to be dutch. i hated being american, i felt like i had to live up to a standard. i am an american, but i cannot tell you much about my country. i am not interested in my country. i am not interested in american politics. i am not interested in america. sure i can give you some information about my country based on my experience as a citizen and as a 20 year resident; however, my experience does not shed light on the american identity any more than any other man living within its boarders. i can name off thousands of stereotypes, which are often derived from observation and reality, but that does not constitute for the american identity...plus with all the subcultures surviving in america, what's there to say about america as a unified nation? i live in a dutch community, travel about 3 hours east and you will hit detroit, michigan, african american community, ghettos, etc. travel about 3 hours north and you got yourself a catholic community. travel down to indiana and you will find yourself some amish folk with yet another story/perspective on america, the beautiful. perhaps you'd have to interview the nation to make a conclusion on the american identity, likewise for the netherlands. whose to say that the netherlands can be sumarized and published on the front page of the dialy news. "the Dutch identity revealed"--what a hit news column, eh? we finally know what it means to be Dutch. well, again, isn't that being a bit metaphysical?
maybe it is a personality defect of mine--i always want to be politically correct.
i tend to wish away my old convictions for new ones. for example, when i first arrived in the netherlands, i wanted more than anything to be dutch. i hated being american, i felt like i had to live up to a standard. i am an american, but i cannot tell you much about my country. i am not interested in my country. i am not interested in american politics. i am not interested in america. sure i can give you some information about my country based on my experience as a citizen and as a 20 year resident; however, my experience does not shed light on the american identity any more than any other man living within its boarders. i can name off thousands of stereotypes, which are often derived from observation and reality, but that does not constitute for the american identity...plus with all the subcultures surviving in america, what's there to say about america as a unified nation? i live in a dutch community, travel about 3 hours east and you will hit detroit, michigan, african american community, ghettos, etc. travel about 3 hours north and you got yourself a catholic community. travel down to indiana and you will find yourself some amish folk with yet another story/perspective on america, the beautiful. perhaps you'd have to interview the nation to make a conclusion on the american identity, likewise for the netherlands. whose to say that the netherlands can be sumarized and published on the front page of the dialy news. "the Dutch identity revealed"--what a hit news column, eh? we finally know what it means to be Dutch. well, again, isn't that being a bit metaphysical?
maybe it is a personality defect of mine--i always want to be politically correct.
07 maart 2007
relationships here vs there
the fearless dutch vs the absoluut polite american
americans are too afraid to offend, i think. they are fake. they are polite and friendly on the outside, and could be cussing in the only language they know on the inside. it's a really bad way to relate to people. living in fear of offending, or better, living in fear of being rejected. because our social structure is so free, it ruins confidence. who wants to be themselves if all their life they'd been a lsoer, bookworm, geek, freak! yeah that's right. we really do have that segregation by rank of popularity. evidence of the effects of pop-culture perhaps.
its sad really. living in fear of being rejected ALL THE TIME. you find your place and you stay there all your life. (ever seen mean girls or the new kid--these films may be a bit exagerated, but really, thats america for you). i spoke to a popular girl once in high school because she wanted to tell me this, "i envy you, karyn, because you have FRIENDS" that startled me. why? because she was popular. she had friends everywhere! but she continued to say, "the people i'm seen with, they're just there because they're put there. they're there to talk about the latest (fashion, break-up, etc). its the gossip column! there's no shoulders to cry on when you really need it." that hit me--envious of ME! my friends and i aren't even that great. half of them are partiers and they're just friends because we have one thing in common, GET DRUNK and BE SOMEBODY! the other friends are their to keep me in check. friends?! relationships in the states are PATHETIC! we're too proud, too independent, too stubborn! we rarely admit we're wrong, we rarely ask for help, we rarely re-construct our convictions, because we're ALWAYS right. how aweful!
now i am generalizing. this of course is not true, but i've noticed it more coming here. i feel that the equality of people is more valued at the GH. sure america, the land of the free, has "equality" between cultures, races, etc. by government standards, but we are still so very far from being equal. the minorities are spat on and the majorities are hit satire television programs! go AMERICA! shine on you shabby diamond! the kingdom of pop-culture and falsetty.
the hollywood romance is one of the leading causes of divorce in american. why? because it shows love as a passionate, good feeling, always turns out right kind of scenario. WAKE UP REALITY! hollywood is an industry, its trying to sell us our desires--our idealized dreams! Gah...ive been doing a whole lot of country bashing, perhaps next time i write i'll have something good to say.
americans are too afraid to offend, i think. they are fake. they are polite and friendly on the outside, and could be cussing in the only language they know on the inside. it's a really bad way to relate to people. living in fear of offending, or better, living in fear of being rejected. because our social structure is so free, it ruins confidence. who wants to be themselves if all their life they'd been a lsoer, bookworm, geek, freak! yeah that's right. we really do have that segregation by rank of popularity. evidence of the effects of pop-culture perhaps.
its sad really. living in fear of being rejected ALL THE TIME. you find your place and you stay there all your life. (ever seen mean girls or the new kid--these films may be a bit exagerated, but really, thats america for you). i spoke to a popular girl once in high school because she wanted to tell me this, "i envy you, karyn, because you have FRIENDS" that startled me. why? because she was popular. she had friends everywhere! but she continued to say, "the people i'm seen with, they're just there because they're put there. they're there to talk about the latest (fashion, break-up, etc). its the gossip column! there's no shoulders to cry on when you really need it." that hit me--envious of ME! my friends and i aren't even that great. half of them are partiers and they're just friends because we have one thing in common, GET DRUNK and BE SOMEBODY! the other friends are their to keep me in check. friends?! relationships in the states are PATHETIC! we're too proud, too independent, too stubborn! we rarely admit we're wrong, we rarely ask for help, we rarely re-construct our convictions, because we're ALWAYS right. how aweful!
now i am generalizing. this of course is not true, but i've noticed it more coming here. i feel that the equality of people is more valued at the GH. sure america, the land of the free, has "equality" between cultures, races, etc. by government standards, but we are still so very far from being equal. the minorities are spat on and the majorities are hit satire television programs! go AMERICA! shine on you shabby diamond! the kingdom of pop-culture and falsetty.
the hollywood romance is one of the leading causes of divorce in american. why? because it shows love as a passionate, good feeling, always turns out right kind of scenario. WAKE UP REALITY! hollywood is an industry, its trying to sell us our desires--our idealized dreams! Gah...ive been doing a whole lot of country bashing, perhaps next time i write i'll have something good to say.
individual or national
is it American to be courteous to long staying guests or is it a personal characteristic?
personally, if i have a visitor staying with me or near me, i LOVE showing them around and getting them involved in my leisure acitivities. i feel like a lot of american's share this characteristic. many families i've stayed with want to make your stay "gezellig". some go as far as to step outside of their busy lives just to give you a taste of what they believe is fun living! perhaps this is more of an individual thing.
sanitary issue: notice how many, if not all of the street vendors here do NOT wear gloves? food preparation done with their bare hands! welcome to a foreign country where lawsuits against sanitation are obviously inexistant. also, what's up with having NO hand soap in the bathrooms? -- and how often do you see users of the toilet facilities actually WASH their hands? perhaps this is not so much cultural as it is individual laziness/carelessness.
AMERICAN PRIDE: are we a proud nation or what? sometimes i'd like to think we aren't but we really are... and perhaps that is why we often get labelled arrogant. the party-crowd of america always wants to show off their tolerance ability, "yeah, well i can bong a 5th of 5o'clock and still see the bottom of a 5th of jager!" we're too proud! and it is hard for us to admit we're wrong. we're always making excuses, or reasons...pointing fingers! perhaps this is also personal rather than national, though i must say, i see a lot more proud americans than i do proud Dutch (ruling out the Friesians, of course).
personally, if i have a visitor staying with me or near me, i LOVE showing them around and getting them involved in my leisure acitivities. i feel like a lot of american's share this characteristic. many families i've stayed with want to make your stay "gezellig". some go as far as to step outside of their busy lives just to give you a taste of what they believe is fun living! perhaps this is more of an individual thing.
sanitary issue: notice how many, if not all of the street vendors here do NOT wear gloves? food preparation done with their bare hands! welcome to a foreign country where lawsuits against sanitation are obviously inexistant. also, what's up with having NO hand soap in the bathrooms? -- and how often do you see users of the toilet facilities actually WASH their hands? perhaps this is not so much cultural as it is individual laziness/carelessness.
AMERICAN PRIDE: are we a proud nation or what? sometimes i'd like to think we aren't but we really are... and perhaps that is why we often get labelled arrogant. the party-crowd of america always wants to show off their tolerance ability, "yeah, well i can bong a 5th of 5o'clock and still see the bottom of a 5th of jager!" we're too proud! and it is hard for us to admit we're wrong. we're always making excuses, or reasons...pointing fingers! perhaps this is also personal rather than national, though i must say, i see a lot more proud americans than i do proud Dutch (ruling out the Friesians, of course).
literature/film -- reflection5
the Cow Who Fell in the Canal
i read this book about 15 years ago (that makes me sound really old!) but now that ive been to this country and seen what Hendrika has seen, it really makes me giggle. when you're 5 years old, reading a book about a cow, you're more interested in the cow than in the country the cow is from! well, now i'm studying in that country and seeing the sites that that silly old cow saw. it's like walking through a childhood memory, in a way.
de tweeling
wow! what a film, eh? it was hard for me to follow 100%, but it was a very well thought film. to seperate twins is unheard of, but in order to really show the reality of the war, it was necessary! they say that twins finish each others sentences, feel similarly, and act similarly. well, what if you seperate them... put on in Germany and the other in Nederland? two different worlds for two very similar persons. their lives, their struggles, their perspectives/views, etc. everything about them is subject to how they were then raised...its so strange to see how people change. the war was a common factor for both of them, but one was able to see (from the outside) what was real about the war and the other was unable to see those effects. time, place, relationships, etc. all account for who we become.
i read this book about 15 years ago (that makes me sound really old!) but now that ive been to this country and seen what Hendrika has seen, it really makes me giggle. when you're 5 years old, reading a book about a cow, you're more interested in the cow than in the country the cow is from! well, now i'm studying in that country and seeing the sites that that silly old cow saw. it's like walking through a childhood memory, in a way.
de tweeling
wow! what a film, eh? it was hard for me to follow 100%, but it was a very well thought film. to seperate twins is unheard of, but in order to really show the reality of the war, it was necessary! they say that twins finish each others sentences, feel similarly, and act similarly. well, what if you seperate them... put on in Germany and the other in Nederland? two different worlds for two very similar persons. their lives, their struggles, their perspectives/views, etc. everything about them is subject to how they were then raised...its so strange to see how people change. the war was a common factor for both of them, but one was able to see (from the outside) what was real about the war and the other was unable to see those effects. time, place, relationships, etc. all account for who we become.
Amsterdam -- reflection4
x
x
x
haha... Amsterdam! to tell you the truth, i liked amsterdam better the second time around. when i first visited this city i thought it was trashy and unpleasant. the bodies exhibit was not as i had expected it to be. looking at the human specimen reminded me of AP biology cat disecting. it just looked so ... preserved! i was hoping to see something a little more hollywood, i guess.
the red light disctrict:
to tell you the truth, i didnt even realise we were walking through the red light district at first. when i noticed, i was not shocked. in fact, it did not really even phase me. maybe because america praises the female body in such a way that i no longer really see the wrongness in it--or maybe because in this world, that is where women find the greatest value. what are women? women are weak, emotional, sexy, etc. how often do you see a woman in power over a man ACCEPT when she is seducing his weakness (sexual fulfillment)? i can understand why women sell themselves. i can understand. its their weapon, their power. they're outer beauty can pistol whip the most muscular, power-crazed man in the world. another thing, even Christians struggle with sexual impurity, so you can only recognize that non-Christians do not see the damage of sexua impurity. the only damaging factor to a woman without God is AIDS and other STDs, but who cares! this life is short lived, make a lot of money... get a lot of pleasure doing so... die "happy". *sighs* maybe i'll come back to this topic later.
the RIJKSMUSEUM. the second time through this place was a lot more interesting. it was nice to have a little more information about the art on display and to spend more time REALLY looking at the paintings, just was incredible. i was disappointed that the night watch was not featured in the light-show exhibit that it was back when i was there in May. though, it was nice to read the info-card that explained the piece a bit more in depth.
x
x
haha... Amsterdam! to tell you the truth, i liked amsterdam better the second time around. when i first visited this city i thought it was trashy and unpleasant. the bodies exhibit was not as i had expected it to be. looking at the human specimen reminded me of AP biology cat disecting. it just looked so ... preserved! i was hoping to see something a little more hollywood, i guess.
the red light disctrict:
to tell you the truth, i didnt even realise we were walking through the red light district at first. when i noticed, i was not shocked. in fact, it did not really even phase me. maybe because america praises the female body in such a way that i no longer really see the wrongness in it--or maybe because in this world, that is where women find the greatest value. what are women? women are weak, emotional, sexy, etc. how often do you see a woman in power over a man ACCEPT when she is seducing his weakness (sexual fulfillment)? i can understand why women sell themselves. i can understand. its their weapon, their power. they're outer beauty can pistol whip the most muscular, power-crazed man in the world. another thing, even Christians struggle with sexual impurity, so you can only recognize that non-Christians do not see the damage of sexua impurity. the only damaging factor to a woman without God is AIDS and other STDs, but who cares! this life is short lived, make a lot of money... get a lot of pleasure doing so... die "happy". *sighs* maybe i'll come back to this topic later.
the RIJKSMUSEUM. the second time through this place was a lot more interesting. it was nice to have a little more information about the art on display and to spend more time REALLY looking at the paintings, just was incredible. i was disappointed that the night watch was not featured in the light-show exhibit that it was back when i was there in May. though, it was nice to read the info-card that explained the piece a bit more in depth.
education here and there -- reflection3
There are benefits to both educational systems; however, the Dutch educational system appears to be more efficient. The American educational system puts too strong of an emphasis on theory; practice is often disregarded. However, it is crucial to put such an emphasis on theory so as not to lose indispensable knowledge. Skill is developed through practice, but why practice something you do not understand? I believe the Dutch educational system is a bit more mature in the sense that it focuses on preparing students for the vocational world at an early stage in life. They chose a "major", so to speak, already in their second year of high school, which in my opinion is a bit to early to decide on a vocation; however, it could be seen as highly beneficial because focusing your study allows you to be very familiar (professional) with the field you chose to study. Though, liberal arts allows for a broader education and a more open understanding of the connections and relationships among various fields of study, which can also be seen as highly beneficial. It really depends on the way you look at things. I have a hard time with the segregation of students based on their "level" of intellect. I understand the idea behind it; however, weaker students, I feel, are challenged to become stronger when they have smarter students working beside them. "you're only as strong as your weakest link"--build 'em up!
plus, we do have the AP opportunity and standardized tests are given and if you are recognized as an intelligent student, there are many opportunities for you to take advanced classes and recieve college funding. oye... i could write for hours on this ONE topic, but i will leave it at that before my fingers get numb from writing so much.
plus, we do have the AP opportunity and standardized tests are given and if you are recognized as an intelligent student, there are many opportunities for you to take advanced classes and recieve college funding. oye... i could write for hours on this ONE topic, but i will leave it at that before my fingers get numb from writing so much.
thinking back...
when i arrived here 24 december, it was my second time in half a year stepping foot in the amsterdam airport, only this time... my first words were, "im home"
little did i know that "home" would be such a challenge. i remember culture shock setting up within the first week. i was sooo sick of dutch! i just wanted to hear my native tongue, if even for a short while. i was upset because i was staying with students in groningen, ALL of whom were a part of NSG and i felt like an extra wheel... where did i belong at home? i wasn't a member of NSG, i wasn't dutch (couldn't communicate with the others), i had no money and no game plan and was BORED outside of my mind. i was really starting to look forward to the other NSPICE students arrival. i just wanted something to do. i wanted people to hang out with! all i did was watch movies and play "board" games where i was staying. (ok, so we also went skating, played snoeker/pool, and i watched the NSG students perform for their music festival, but really, i didn't get out much).
*first year college, you're meeting new people all at the same time and USUALLY everyone speaks your language. in my case, i was the american girlfriend of one of the already befriended NSG members. i didn't feel well placed in their clique (club) because i was totally new to it, spoke little to no dutch, and was very much out of the loop. i like to belong to something, its a good feeling, being a part of a group*
anyways, 19 january FINALLY came around. i was upset because i was leaving my boyfriend, but anxious to finally have something to do.
the first two day with my new host family was amazing. we played darts (which i watched on tv a lot before moving to zwolle), and i settled into my bedroom just fine. then... monday, 22 January turned my life a 180...
i got drunk at my host bro's house and, even though i said no, his housemate kissed me. i told my boyfriend about the incident (which has happened before in our relationship) and he broke up with me. after a few days of uncertainty and excessive thinking, i suffered a panic attack which led to a series of unfortunate events. i was relocated, met with the police, spoke to the GH student pastor, and was on trial with the school for the choices that i made.
needless to say, during all this, my mind was far away from the netherlands and my learning experience and i cannot say anything about those weeks but that i puzzled over my losses 24/7 and spent most of my time phoning friends and trying to focus on my goals, STAY IN SCHOOL, STICK TO THE GAME PLAN of studying in the netherlands for the next 5 years of my life.
now that my sanity has safely returned (not that i am over my loss, but that i have found God and have been praying daily for His guidance) i feel compelled to write again as i would had this whole mess not happened. so... as for reflection one, i prefer to keep THOSE reflections private for what i already shared, i feel, already says enough.
little did i know that "home" would be such a challenge. i remember culture shock setting up within the first week. i was sooo sick of dutch! i just wanted to hear my native tongue, if even for a short while. i was upset because i was staying with students in groningen, ALL of whom were a part of NSG and i felt like an extra wheel... where did i belong at home? i wasn't a member of NSG, i wasn't dutch (couldn't communicate with the others), i had no money and no game plan and was BORED outside of my mind. i was really starting to look forward to the other NSPICE students arrival. i just wanted something to do. i wanted people to hang out with! all i did was watch movies and play "board" games where i was staying. (ok, so we also went skating, played snoeker/pool, and i watched the NSG students perform for their music festival, but really, i didn't get out much).
*first year college, you're meeting new people all at the same time and USUALLY everyone speaks your language. in my case, i was the american girlfriend of one of the already befriended NSG members. i didn't feel well placed in their clique (club) because i was totally new to it, spoke little to no dutch, and was very much out of the loop. i like to belong to something, its a good feeling, being a part of a group*
anyways, 19 january FINALLY came around. i was upset because i was leaving my boyfriend, but anxious to finally have something to do.
the first two day with my new host family was amazing. we played darts (which i watched on tv a lot before moving to zwolle), and i settled into my bedroom just fine. then... monday, 22 January turned my life a 180...
i got drunk at my host bro's house and, even though i said no, his housemate kissed me. i told my boyfriend about the incident (which has happened before in our relationship) and he broke up with me. after a few days of uncertainty and excessive thinking, i suffered a panic attack which led to a series of unfortunate events. i was relocated, met with the police, spoke to the GH student pastor, and was on trial with the school for the choices that i made.
needless to say, during all this, my mind was far away from the netherlands and my learning experience and i cannot say anything about those weeks but that i puzzled over my losses 24/7 and spent most of my time phoning friends and trying to focus on my goals, STAY IN SCHOOL, STICK TO THE GAME PLAN of studying in the netherlands for the next 5 years of my life.
now that my sanity has safely returned (not that i am over my loss, but that i have found God and have been praying daily for His guidance) i feel compelled to write again as i would had this whole mess not happened. so... as for reflection one, i prefer to keep THOSE reflections private for what i already shared, i feel, already says enough.
nederland -- reflection2
SCHAATSEN--perhaps i should write this is an icey color ;). i cannot skate, but when i saw the film on the friesland skating event, i was totally convinced that i must learn the art of speed skating. i have dutch blood in me! there must be a bone in this body that can skate on icey canals! too bad "global warming" is getting in the way of this winter activity. i really hope the canals will freeze over one of the years i spend studying here in the netherlands. it would be awesome! (i must add, those dutch people REALLY know how to skate).
defense: polders and dijks
keep the water out of this country "floating in the water"!!
you find "survivors" in this little country. brave, courageous people, some say. why? well, if it weren't for the fact that half of their country lies occasionally BELOW SEA LEVEL (and one quarter of their country is permanently below sea level) they probably wouldn't be so indulged in the changes in atmosphere. all dutch persons are speaking of "global warming"... and rightfully so! if this strange warm weather persists, their country is going to be a land down under (the ocean). its incredible how much brain power is put into inventing the most effective dijk! permanent, land-made dijks line all the coasts of this beautiful country. i knew this before coming here to study. what i did not know, is that they actually have man-made, temporary dijks (inflatable or power controlled). its nuts what these people do just to keep their country survived. you always here of the dutch polders--windmills! now-a-days, the older mills are replaced by the modern-day windmills. they're pretty much everywhere.
oranje
so im pretty sure i am in love with this color! not only is it Dutch pride, but it's kind of a happy, uplifting color that REALLY gets these dutch folk jumpin'. dutch voetbal is incredible in my opinion. i myself am an ajax fan and damn proud of it. hup holland hup! i can't wait to go to the stadium to see an ajax match and watch it live! i envy this countries spirit. america doesn't have such national pride/spirit. their pride is themselves. psht. ORANJE!!!!!
im going to the ajax stadium to see a match in april! im sooo stoked, though i probably will not wear orange since i do not have that color. i will wear either red of black to support ajax! (sorry kees, feyenoord just sucks!)
defense: polders and dijks
keep the water out of this country "floating in the water"!!
you find "survivors" in this little country. brave, courageous people, some say. why? well, if it weren't for the fact that half of their country lies occasionally BELOW SEA LEVEL (and one quarter of their country is permanently below sea level) they probably wouldn't be so indulged in the changes in atmosphere. all dutch persons are speaking of "global warming"... and rightfully so! if this strange warm weather persists, their country is going to be a land down under (the ocean). its incredible how much brain power is put into inventing the most effective dijk! permanent, land-made dijks line all the coasts of this beautiful country. i knew this before coming here to study. what i did not know, is that they actually have man-made, temporary dijks (inflatable or power controlled). its nuts what these people do just to keep their country survived. you always here of the dutch polders--windmills! now-a-days, the older mills are replaced by the modern-day windmills. they're pretty much everywhere.
oranje
so im pretty sure i am in love with this color! not only is it Dutch pride, but it's kind of a happy, uplifting color that REALLY gets these dutch folk jumpin'. dutch voetbal is incredible in my opinion. i myself am an ajax fan and damn proud of it. hup holland hup! i can't wait to go to the stadium to see an ajax match and watch it live! i envy this countries spirit. america doesn't have such national pride/spirit. their pride is themselves. psht. ORANJE!!!!!
im going to the ajax stadium to see a match in april! im sooo stoked, though i probably will not wear orange since i do not have that color. i will wear either red of black to support ajax! (sorry kees, feyenoord just sucks!)
06 maart 2007
the fantastical brain
i used to think, damn, i dont want to write about my experiences. "today, i went to school. blah blah blah" well, every damn day i am writing about my experiences. eveything that i think and feel i eventually put on paper. i just have to be in the right mindset to write about certain things. it is obvious when you read over my journalings what i value, or what i hold most important.
75% of the time i am writing about my struggles (which 90% of the time have to do with my "failure" to be sincere and trustworthy in my relationship with jan.) the other 25% of the time i am writing about something i've discovered to be true. juist---or something interesting that i came across. observations i have made, or philosophies i have created. i like to develop ideas, morales. i need to find a healthy balance though. i cannot always be focusing on my struggles, it should be 50/50. "your only as strong as your weakest link"--know that link and build it up by knowing your strengths and using them! because we are alive, we should live--sitting on our asses all day thinking about how or why will get us no where.
drinking vs driving
both are a privilege.
if i want to drive, i may drive--but it would be wise that i obey the traffic laws. speeding, road rage, etc. all increase the chances of an accident.
if i want to drink, i may drink--but i need to be aware of my PERSONAL limits/laws and abide by them. drinking TOO much causes me to step outside of my rational morale and can lead to other consequences.
Both are FUN! they offer freedom, gezelligheid!
drinking is addictive. abusing this privilege could result in alcoholism.
driving is expensive. abusing this privilege could result in very expensive tickets.
these privileges can be lost/restricted.
don't abuse your privileges. abuse may cause death.
>>> why are we so bent on making comparisons. we are ALWAYS making comparisons. metaphors, similies, compare and contrast... does it help us better understand things?
compare compare compare. find similarities, differences, explain them! <<<
BAD vs GOOD and the art of making exceptions/arguments/reason
am i making excuses again? alcohol is not bad. red wine is proven to be good for your health...is it really a vile drink?
are all things bad? are all things good? what makes them either bad or good? who decides? whose choice is it to say either way?
that is where opinion sets in.
but who wants a "wrong" opinion? thats the art of discernment. plus, no one is ever going to agree with your convictions 100%.
GOOD vs BAD -- that's for you to decide.
do you feel BAD reasoning with something that is, possibly, culturally despised? what is BAD?
i have a theory. BAD has negative consequences. bad harms other people (and perhaps yourself, even if you don't see how it is harming you). BAD is anything that doesn't feel right AFTER it is done. because all things have the ability to feel good at the time they are being performed.
smoking weed feels good when im high. drinking feels good when i'm drunk outside of my mind. cutting feels good when my emotion pain is temporarily hidden by physical pain. many bad things feel GOOD temporarily, but eventually prove to be more harmful than helpful...sometimes it takes years before you realize just how harmful they are...BUT..."some people change" -- montgomery gentry
75% of the time i am writing about my struggles (which 90% of the time have to do with my "failure" to be sincere and trustworthy in my relationship with jan.) the other 25% of the time i am writing about something i've discovered to be true. juist---or something interesting that i came across. observations i have made, or philosophies i have created. i like to develop ideas, morales. i need to find a healthy balance though. i cannot always be focusing on my struggles, it should be 50/50. "your only as strong as your weakest link"--know that link and build it up by knowing your strengths and using them! because we are alive, we should live--sitting on our asses all day thinking about how or why will get us no where.
drinking vs driving
both are a privilege.
if i want to drive, i may drive--but it would be wise that i obey the traffic laws. speeding, road rage, etc. all increase the chances of an accident.
if i want to drink, i may drink--but i need to be aware of my PERSONAL limits/laws and abide by them. drinking TOO much causes me to step outside of my rational morale and can lead to other consequences.
Both are FUN! they offer freedom, gezelligheid!
drinking is addictive. abusing this privilege could result in alcoholism.
driving is expensive. abusing this privilege could result in very expensive tickets.
these privileges can be lost/restricted.
don't abuse your privileges. abuse may cause death.
>>> why are we so bent on making comparisons. we are ALWAYS making comparisons. metaphors, similies, compare and contrast... does it help us better understand things?
compare compare compare. find similarities, differences, explain them! <<<
BAD vs GOOD and the art of making exceptions/arguments/reason
am i making excuses again? alcohol is not bad. red wine is proven to be good for your health...is it really a vile drink?
are all things bad? are all things good? what makes them either bad or good? who decides? whose choice is it to say either way?
that is where opinion sets in.
but who wants a "wrong" opinion? thats the art of discernment. plus, no one is ever going to agree with your convictions 100%.
GOOD vs BAD -- that's for you to decide.
do you feel BAD reasoning with something that is, possibly, culturally despised? what is BAD?
i have a theory. BAD has negative consequences. bad harms other people (and perhaps yourself, even if you don't see how it is harming you). BAD is anything that doesn't feel right AFTER it is done. because all things have the ability to feel good at the time they are being performed.
smoking weed feels good when im high. drinking feels good when i'm drunk outside of my mind. cutting feels good when my emotion pain is temporarily hidden by physical pain. many bad things feel GOOD temporarily, but eventually prove to be more harmful than helpful...sometimes it takes years before you realize just how harmful they are...BUT..."some people change" -- montgomery gentry
interest vs interested
how do you tell the difference between general interest and being interested. "that kid was SO hitting on you" --was he? i thought we were just having a nice chat. i do not like assuming he was interested in me that way... i like to think he had an interest in me as a foreign exchange student.
cultural? i can tell when an american guy is hitting on me. perhaps i am being a bit naive, but i dont see conversation as a way of "diggin' me".
cultural? i can tell when an american guy is hitting on me. perhaps i am being a bit naive, but i dont see conversation as a way of "diggin' me".
05 maart 2007
norms/convictions
i need not be angry when people try to correct me when i am wrong, they only want to help. i mustn't get annoyed when liesbeth asks me questions about my day, just because i am not ready to talk about it doesn't mean she must refrain from being courteous. just because i am not allowed friends over, doesn't mean i should be short with her and get frustrated. restricted freedoms are the consequences i must deal with. its only for the next couple months.
first name basis with teachers. weird. if they can have a personal relationship IN the school, why can't they meet their teachers outside of school? america vs netherlands?
perhaps it varies based on the field of study.
hand behind the back while biking?
the funky birds that dive under water and stay under water for long periods of time and show up in a totally different place in the water...
dutch television.
dutch words i learned today:
geweldig -- awesome
gebouw -- building
lantaaren paal -- street lamp
first name basis with teachers. weird. if they can have a personal relationship IN the school, why can't they meet their teachers outside of school? america vs netherlands?
perhaps it varies based on the field of study.
hand behind the back while biking?
the funky birds that dive under water and stay under water for long periods of time and show up in a totally different place in the water...
dutch television.
dutch words i learned today:
geweldig -- awesome
gebouw -- building
lantaaren paal -- street lamp
04 maart 2007
cultural vs personal preference
i got in an arguement today. am living with a teacher. i mentioned having a friend from the GH over and she was very upset about that. why? because she is a teacher and having her students at her house is inappropriate. perhaps this is another cultural difference?
when i was in high school, i took drama classes, art classes, writing classes, and others in which students were totally allowed to hang out with their teachers outside of school. ive been to ridl's house, rooks house, hiskes' house, mvp's house, etc. all teachers of mine. also, in college, i spent time with my philosophy teacher outside of school... is this wrong? no. perhaps it is cultural.
i was offended at first that she would not allow me to have friends over. this is just as much my home now as it is hers... i want friends to be able to come visit. but i suppose it is my place to respect her and her culture.
plus--i spent time outside of work with my boss, is that also cultural? i wonder.
culture is like a jigsaw puzzle--i have a hard time putting it together right, i have to start over several times and it takes a lot of patience to really concentrate and fit the pieces together correctly. i find that i am not very patient. i used to call it boredom. i'm just neglegent. if i know something is going to take more more than a week to accomplish, i don't want to spend time doing it. extreme procrastinator i suppose is what you could call me. understanding a culture is going to take me a lifetime and sometimes, id rather just play "Dutch"... adapt without really noticing why or how i am, just doing it. details come in time.
when i was in high school, i took drama classes, art classes, writing classes, and others in which students were totally allowed to hang out with their teachers outside of school. ive been to ridl's house, rooks house, hiskes' house, mvp's house, etc. all teachers of mine. also, in college, i spent time with my philosophy teacher outside of school... is this wrong? no. perhaps it is cultural.
i was offended at first that she would not allow me to have friends over. this is just as much my home now as it is hers... i want friends to be able to come visit. but i suppose it is my place to respect her and her culture.
plus--i spent time outside of work with my boss, is that also cultural? i wonder.
culture is like a jigsaw puzzle--i have a hard time putting it together right, i have to start over several times and it takes a lot of patience to really concentrate and fit the pieces together correctly. i find that i am not very patient. i used to call it boredom. i'm just neglegent. if i know something is going to take more more than a week to accomplish, i don't want to spend time doing it. extreme procrastinator i suppose is what you could call me. understanding a culture is going to take me a lifetime and sometimes, id rather just play "Dutch"... adapt without really noticing why or how i am, just doing it. details come in time.
orange roof tops
i really like the contrast between the grey skies, the green grasses, and the orange roof tops. the netherlands is a beautiful country.
orange used to be a fruit, but now it is a spirit... that lifts me up and causes my feet to dance! it's got character, personality, and it's got FLARE! (<>it's got...psht)
i missed the netherlands when we went to prague and berlin. over the past year the netherlands has become home to me. i love it here and cannot wait to be bilingual (as that is my goal).
what specifically turns me on about the netherlands? well, there are so many things that i like about this country it makes it difficult to point out one... so i will just talk a little about the things that i miss about my own.
COUNTRY MUSIC. where's the good ol'e country music in this itty bitty spit of land?
DANCE classes. i miss my summer belly dancing classes.
DRIVING... dude, where's my car?
DOLLARS... euros are expensive.
TACO BELL at 3am! and WAL-MART all night long!
skinny dipping, pier diving, and sleepovers.
there are things that i miss, but when i left the netherlands the first time, i missed this country too... (like those damn morning doves)... you can't always get what you want.
orange used to be a fruit, but now it is a spirit... that lifts me up and causes my feet to dance! it's got character, personality, and it's got FLARE! (<
i missed the netherlands when we went to prague and berlin. over the past year the netherlands has become home to me. i love it here and cannot wait to be bilingual (as that is my goal).
what specifically turns me on about the netherlands? well, there are so many things that i like about this country it makes it difficult to point out one... so i will just talk a little about the things that i miss about my own.
COUNTRY MUSIC. where's the good ol'e country music in this itty bitty spit of land?
DANCE classes. i miss my summer belly dancing classes.
DRIVING... dude, where's my car?
DOLLARS... euros are expensive.
TACO BELL at 3am! and WAL-MART all night long!
skinny dipping, pier diving, and sleepovers.
there are things that i miss, but when i left the netherlands the first time, i missed this country too... (like those damn morning doves)... you can't always get what you want.
25 februari 2007
the difference between individual and nationality
how am i ever to tell the difference? i do not know either. what is dutch? what is personality? what is what?! i find myself assuming that the differences i come across become nederlander tags. what is not normal to me automatically becomes "normal" to dutch. i associate difference with identity, which is partially accurate, but on the other hand, slightly obscure.
i no longer keep a sketchbook. i find it a hassel to write in because i take far longer when i have to write than when i can type. plus, backspace is a blessed eraser. its so much neater and more efficient.
i no longer keep a sketchbook. i find it a hassel to write in because i take far longer when i have to write than when i can type. plus, backspace is a blessed eraser. its so much neater and more efficient.
20 februari 2007
schoenen op de bomen, klein straats, en veel fietsen... -- reflection1
coming to the netherlands the first observations i'd made were quite ordinary. i noticed first the bicycles! oh what an army of fietsers! there are so many bicycles in this country! it's like polution! sometimes i wonder if all those bikes are accounted for or if some of them are abandoned, chained to the walls of amsterdam!
the streets appear a bit less relaxed here than in the States. autos have limited driving space and a lot more commotion to be aware of--mostly just bikers and pedestrian walkers, but still... its a doosy! i think if i was a permenant resident, i would prefer biking over driving because it seems to be a lot more relaxed!
as for the landscape! talk about paper flat! (i kind of like it because it makes biking less of a work-out and more of a leisure "stroll"). the trees here are whimsical. i've never seen trees so oddly shaped. fences of trees, stubby trees with very fine branches, over-weight trees with buldges and blubbers, trees that weep and trees that distort, intricate complex trees and plain ordinary youthful trees! the trees will never cease to amaze me.
and what is up with laced shoes hanging on some random trees branches? it reminds me of tim burtons, Big Fish. i kind of want to swing a pair of old sneakers up on the branches of the schoenen boom here in zwolle for old times sake.
the streets appear a bit less relaxed here than in the States. autos have limited driving space and a lot more commotion to be aware of--mostly just bikers and pedestrian walkers, but still... its a doosy! i think if i was a permenant resident, i would prefer biking over driving because it seems to be a lot more relaxed!
as for the landscape! talk about paper flat! (i kind of like it because it makes biking less of a work-out and more of a leisure "stroll"). the trees here are whimsical. i've never seen trees so oddly shaped. fences of trees, stubby trees with very fine branches, over-weight trees with buldges and blubbers, trees that weep and trees that distort, intricate complex trees and plain ordinary youthful trees! the trees will never cease to amaze me.
and what is up with laced shoes hanging on some random trees branches? it reminds me of tim burtons, Big Fish. i kind of want to swing a pair of old sneakers up on the branches of the schoenen boom here in zwolle for old times sake.
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