the fantastical brain

i used to think, damn, i dont want to write about my experiences. "today, i went to school. blah blah blah" well, every damn day i am writing about my experiences. eveything that i think and feel i eventually put on paper. i just have to be in the right mindset to write about certain things. it is obvious when you read over my journalings what i value, or what i hold most important.
75% of the time i am writing about my struggles (which 90% of the time have to do with my "failure" to be sincere and trustworthy in my relationship with jan.) the other 25% of the time i am writing about something i've discovered to be true. juist---or something interesting that i came across. observations i have made, or philosophies i have created. i like to develop ideas, morales. i need to find a healthy balance though. i cannot always be focusing on my struggles, it should be 50/50. "your only as strong as your weakest link"--know that link and build it up by knowing your strengths and using them! because we are alive, we should live--sitting on our asses all day thinking about how or why will get us no where.

drinking vs driving
both are a privilege.
if i want to drive, i may drive--but it would be wise that i obey the traffic laws. speeding, road rage, etc. all increase the chances of an accident.
if i want to drink, i may drink--but i need to be aware of my PERSONAL limits/laws and abide by them. drinking TOO much causes me to step outside of my rational morale and can lead to other consequences.
Both are FUN! they offer freedom, gezelligheid!
drinking is addictive. abusing this privilege could result in alcoholism.
driving is expensive. abusing this privilege could result in very expensive tickets.
these privileges can be lost/restricted.
don't abuse your privileges. abuse may cause death.

>>> why are we so bent on making comparisons. we are ALWAYS making comparisons. metaphors, similies, compare and contrast... does it help us better understand things?
compare compare compare. find similarities, differences, explain them! <<<

BAD vs GOOD and the art of making exceptions/arguments/reason
am i making excuses again? alcohol is not bad. red wine is proven to be good for your health...is it really a vile drink?
are all things bad? are all things good? what makes them either bad or good? who decides? whose choice is it to say either way?
that is where opinion sets in.
but who wants a "wrong" opinion? thats the art of discernment. plus, no one is ever going to agree with your convictions 100%.
GOOD vs BAD -- that's for you to decide.
do you feel BAD reasoning with something that is, possibly, culturally despised? what is BAD?
i have a theory. BAD has negative consequences. bad harms other people (and perhaps yourself, even if you don't see how it is harming you). BAD is anything that doesn't feel right AFTER it is done. because all things have the ability to feel good at the time they are being performed.
smoking weed feels good when im high. drinking feels good when i'm drunk outside of my mind. cutting feels good when my emotion pain is temporarily hidden by physical pain. many bad things feel GOOD temporarily, but eventually prove to be more harmful than helpful...sometimes it takes years before you realize just how harmful they are...BUT..."some people change" -- montgomery gentry